Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Wow. Four Years. Time Flies When You're Having Fun.

 So, nothing to get excited about. I just out of the blue decided to resurrect this thing. I don't know how long I'll fiddle with it. I can count on one hand the amount of actual writing - as opposed to just blogging - that I've done since the last entry, but what the hell, eh?

 Anyhow, an update. It is now 2018. I moved back home back in March, & when I say back home I mean it. I'm currently sitting in my boyhood bedroom in rural Northeast Mississippi. Long story short, I have had a rough four years. The girlfriend & I split up, I was run off from the good job, my dad died, I spent 10 days in the hospital due to severe hypertension, & New Orleans successfully kicked the shit out of me. So, deciding that not only could I not keep on going as I was & that I couldn't effect the lifestyle change I desperately needed while working 40 hours a week in a job I hated, I gave in & moved back in with Momma.

 Since then, I've been dealing with my health issues, both physical & mental (dysthemia & Seasonal Affective Disorder), helping Momma (who's also got some health issues & isn't a spring chicken herself) & my extended family, & trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I still have Otis, the Jack Russell, to brighten my day, & my life is enriched by Bounce, the Grey Cat. Otis loves me, Bounce loves, Otis hates cats, & Bounce likes screwing with him. We put a fence around the front yard so Otis could spend some outside time & Bounce likes to lay out in the sun just outside the fence to screw with him. Cats, what can you say?

 I've looked into various jobs but without much enthusiasm. Frankly, I'm not working myself to death so some asshole who's got too much money already can buy a new car every two years. Nor am I going to put myself into a position where being able to eat means up putting up with shit from jackasses who don't understand they're not the lead character of any story. I don't have to anymore & it just isn't worth it.

 Of course I'm not happy about moving back home. When I moved out of the house at 18, I told myself that having to move back home was a mark of failure. Maybe that's so, but my life's gotten more screwed up than flattened horse shit & I really didn't have much a choice. Momma's been good about everything, so has my extended family, & that's made it easier. I originally intended to be gone by May, then August, then the first of 2019, but I don't know when or if I ever will. I've come to the point in my life where I don't need anything I can't get in Peaceful Valley apart from faster internet & regular access to good weed. Even then, I can adjust.

 So, my days consist of breakfast, going to the gym, hanging out with my varmints (plus Momma's dog Fuzzy), doing the online things, playing video games (after a 20 year absence), helping my family when they need it & staying out of the way when they don't. We live way out in the boonies, we're financially secure, & it's not all that bad. After living in NOLA, there's something to be said for the quiet life. Plus, it puts me in the position to travel more. I've visited NOLA & Athens, & I have plans to see my brother in Oregon & a buddy in Brooklyn.

 I'm also trying to figure out to get back into writing, which is partly what this is for. I don't know what I'm going to do, though. I don't really have a knack for fiction, but I do have some ideas kicking around my head. I don't want to get back into music criticism nor do I want to write about the depressing world of politics. Be honest, I don't much care to get back into pure journalism at all, not in any form or fashion, mainly because I absolutely don't want to have to talk to people. Like, at all. I'm not sure if that's a temporary aspect of my struggle with depression or just the real Matt coming out & settling down. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone for a while, & really don't these days outside of doctors, therapists & family members.

 While visiting Athens, I touched base with a friend who's starting a business that provides content for web pages. He knows what I'm going through & said that when I'm ready, he might have some work for me. That's an idea, & it'd be nice to bring in a little money for something I've always been decent at. Maybe that's something to work towards, & using these blogger doo-dads to back into fighting shape.

 And so much for all that. I've wandered away from this a couple time & find myself getting bored with the whole process. It's tougher to write when you don't have something to write about, I suppose. Anyhow, this may be the first of many or I might not put anything here for another four years. Does anyone still use Blogger? Who knows.