Wednesday, July 31, 2019

 They're having the second half of the second round of debates for the Democratic nomination for the 2020 election for the President of the United States of America. I am not watching. I will wait until tomorrow & watch whatever it was that got everyone stirred up. I'm not going to look it up, but there is still 25 candidates in the running, & so far, only one quit & was replaced within a week. It's a little goofy.

Steve Earle - Hardin Wouldn't Run

This isn't bad. I used to be a fool for Steve Earle but I've cooled off on him last couple years. This was from a record of Johnny Cash covers back in the '90s.

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

 I'm going to keep this basic today, as the last couple of days have been draining emotionally. I woke up to hear of another shooting, this time in Southaven where my first cousin & her family live. So I'm tired. I will say the gun fetishes will not back down, no matter how many children are shot or how many otherwise normal experiences are turned into war zones by white nationalists ashamed of their dick size.

Alcubierre Drive: Warp Speed - Star Trek fantasy or plausible?

Monday, July 29, 2019

 While the president was being racist about Baltimore & conservatives across the country were telling themselves "yeah, I can live with that," there was another shooting by another right-wing, gun-sucking turd of a human being. Three people were killed, including a six-year-old boy, & the shooter had recently gotten deep into right-wing literature & purchased the gun legally in Nevada. The whole thing lasted less than a minute apparently, but you're already hearing depraved ammosexuals try to blame California's restrictive gun laws or the fair in question's gun-free zone, because they're awful.

 I'm sorry, there were actually three shootings of note yesterday. One was at synagogue in Miami, which makes the third synagogue shooting this year. Luckily, no one was killed but the rabbi was shot several times in the leg. The shooter is still at large. The other was in Wisconsin & appears to be just the run-of-the-mill murder-your-family-and-then-kill-yourself type of deal, which is American as apple pie. The cops are saying who or why, & despite the body count, it's barely a blip on the national radar.

 I'm not going to wade into the gun control debate, mainly because you'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that we took the path of no return when Sandy Hook went down & a not-insignificant portion of the population at least entertained the idea that it was a false flag by Obama to take our guns. I'm too mad & too heartbroken to even pretend to give half a shit what some weird screwball who gets pants-shitting mad when told the "AR" stands for "assault rifle", because in 30 years, they've never once said anything new. It's just not worth it anymore.

 But tell me this is not a fucked up way to run a society. Tell me that we are seriously screwed in the head that you can't even go to a goddamn garlic festival & not worried that some limp-dicked raging dingbat won't shoot you & your kid dead because a Jewish girl wouldn't fuck him. Tell me this is not a sickness grown deep in our culture & that the way things are simply is not working.

 If you do, I'll call you a goddamn liar & never pay attention to anything you say ever again. Piss off.

Sunday, July 28, 2019

 We all know by now that the president, probably pissed off because Rep. Elijah Cummings is going after some shady shit Ivanka Trump & her geek husband did, went full-bore fascist on the city of Baltimore. None of this is arguable, so don't bother. Even if you agree with his statements, it's still fascist. Just deal with it.

Are We Living in an Ancestor Simulation? ft. Neil deGrasse Tyson | Space...

A Universe Not Made For Us (Carl Sagan on religion)

 For the record, The Demon-Haunted World is an excellent book & very highly recommended. By it at your local indie store or personal seller.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

 So this morning we woke up to the president blasting Baltimore as a place where "no human being would want to live" & Rep. Elijah Cummings as being "probably" crooked, & fuck it, the president's racist, his cult members are racists, they all probably have huge hard-ons at today's blast of racism, because even though they claim to "love America", conservatives hate actual Americans with ever fiber of their being. And of course, the main reason the greasy dickhead went on this particular Twitter tirade is because FOX's Saturday morning klaven said pretty much the same thing.

Friday, July 29, 2019

 So, last night I used the infernal machine & felt fine (relatively speaking) this morning. So I don't know what's causing that awful pain from a few days ago. I think tonight we'll use the machine again & see what happens.

 Apart from that, it's been a zombie day. Didn't make it to the gym & really haven't done anything of note. The cool, unseasonable weather appears gone & it's gotten pretty warm this evening.

Thursday, July 28, 2019

Didn't hurt today. I slept pretty good last night, but I didn't use the infernal machine. So you figure it out, but I wonder if it's because I was pretty sedentary yesterday. I'll use the machine tonight & see how we go. I went to the gym today but nothing special. So we'll see.

 I really couldn't tell you much. I had some more thoughts about the cowboy story (a character like Cinnamon) & an idea for the space western. Specifically, the ship should be something closer to the Objects In Space set up, where it's less fighter pilot & more submarine in space. At least that's something, I guess.

 Boy, I really have nothing sparking tonight. Nothing all day, really. Listened to the eponymous album of The Souther-Hillman-Furay Band at the gym. It was all right. Much as I hate to admit it, Chris Hillman's music doesn't wind my watch like it's supposed to work. I bet he's a pill to work with, though. That all being said, I'll die on a Desert Rose Band hill.

 Yeah, it's been about 45 minutes since the above paragraph & maybe two hours since I started. The weather's still cooler than seasonable but it's definitely getting warmer. Enough of this.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

 Today was another day of painful sleep. I don't know why. I got about five hours last night & that infernal machine lasted at least three. But when I woke up, I felt like someone beat me. Plus, I was still asleep, more or less, not tired, but that dragged, drugged almost otherworldly loopiness one has when one hasn't awoken property. Plus, a lot of that aching pain, not really like a physical beating or even the soreness from any amount of exertion. It was more of a... stinging pain? Is that it? Not really, but it's closer.

 And it lasted all day. I crashed after breakfast, woke up about noon & I still hurt. When I woke again around 4 p.m., I still hurt. This is at least the second time this has happened & I'm thinking at least two more times were similar. I don't know if it's a new kink in the sleep apnea or dysthymia or if it's more my body telling me if I don't start being more active, there's just going to be more pain. It could be something entirely new or an aspect of the esophagus trouble I know is coming.

 Middle age is a bummer, kids.

 So, I pretty much zombied my way through today. The weather's still unseasonably cool - it's never got above 80 & there kept a breeze - so it was pleasant enough to snooze through. Started the Wellbutrin today. I was told to take it at morning-time because otherwise it'd wreck my already wrecked sleeping, but I got to say, I ain't feeling a thing. Maybe it needs to build up. Speaking of pharmacology, I'm a little disappointed with this round of Lithium. It's not having the same kick as it did the previous two times.

 Anyhow, enough of all that.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

 Today was a big talking day. Saw the Psych Doc this morning & the Therapist this afternoon. The former's starting me on Wellbutrin to see if we can't, one, do something about all this sleeping I want to do, & two, put another dent in the depression. Both were pretty right-on with this whole "writing everyday" thing, & the Therapist said she was proud of all I've accomplished over the past year. I'll be honest, I never do know quite what to say to all that.

 Part of it's I never have been to take compliments well. Couple of months back, I ran into a fan - an actual fan - of my Athens work on Twitter. To this day I haven't been able to figure out if this guy was yanking my chain or not. The second reason is I never can completely convince myself that all of this is real. I'm told that's a natural reaction & problem for them that are going through depression. I don't know.

 Otherwise, decent enough day. Nearly 70 bucks worth of medication, that Wellbutrin shit is expensive. Been drifting back though Descent: Freescpace & Freespace 2, & having a pretty good time with both. I'm rockin' through them, too, which is interesting. Double Damage is finally releasing Rebel Galaxy Outlaw at the first of the month, but I'm still going to give it a couple days to make sure it's not total crap. Rebel Galaxy is pretty damn neat, & while this is a different take, everything I've seen so far bodes well. Also finally got around to listening to that Long Ryders album & it did not work for me.

 Anyhow, that's enough of that.

Monday, July 22, 2019

 Let's see if I can squeeze something out in less than half an hour.

 Today was a sleeping day. Not because I wanted to, but because I was so damn tired I had to. I don't understand it at all. I got a decent amount of sleep last night & used that infernal machine, though apparently I slipped it out of place some point during the night. Still, I woke up barely awake & feeling like someone beat my ass. I mean just weak as a kitten. I really don't know what's wrong with me.

 Woke up around 10, had a late breakfast & went to the gym. I also had supper this evening, but every moment I wasn't eating or at the gym, I've been asleep. And when I was awake, I barely functioned, just moved like a zombie from point A to point B. I still need to take a shower because I have to go see both the Psych Doctor & the Therapist tomorrow. Really not in the mood to do either, but it will probably be helpful to tell the P.D. that this most recent shot of lithium really isn't working.

 Still & all, a quick perusal of Twitter tells me I haven't missed anything today. For some reason, the boobs are all mad again about Al Franken, & there's no over-under change in Trump's racism, his cult followers screaming joy at the same, & the total inability of the Washington establishment to even pretend to care that they might be getting some first-year Congresswomen killed.

 Well, that's enough. Still under the wire.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

 Today was Memorial at Bourland Cemetery. What that means for y'all what ain't got enough culture to understand is in some small rural communities - like the one I was raised & now currently live in - not every church has a cemetery attached to it & not every cemetery is attached to a church. That's what Bourland is. It's about two, two-&-a-half acre cemetery about a mile-&-a-half from the house where most of my mother's family that's in a cemetery is buried. Both Momma's parents, my father, my uncles & aunts that have gone on, in-laws & extended family. If I recall, the oldest readable grave goes back to the 1840s. I have a space there Momma will put what's left of me - I've told her to donate what can be donated - in a nice, shady spot right next to my folks.

 What Memorial is, once a year people with family in the cemetery gather for a preaching &, as often as not, what's called "dinner on the ground". Everyone brings a dish or some sweet tea or maybe some fried chicken, & they eat. They also raise money for the upkeep of the cemetery, & there's a couple old, old cemeteries nearby that no one takes care of.

 In some places it's called Decoration Day, & my friends the Drive-By Truckers put out an excellent song by that title on the 2003 self-titled album. It was also an early name for Memorial Day, particularly geared towards Confederate dead, but this has nothing to do with any of that.

  I didn't go. Partly I didn't go because I don't do crowds, partly I didn't go because I don't do preaching, partly I didn't go because it was too goddamn hot, but mainly I didn't go because I'd simply rather stay home & commune with the front yard. Two hours' guaranteed solitude a week, damn if I'm going to pass that up. So, I went earlier this morning & talked to Daddy, & Mommaw, & Uncle Charles & Aunt Shirley & all the rest, pondered my own mortality, helped the kids taking donations help an older gentleman set up some chairs & a table, & went on back home.

 I find cemeteries melancholy, which I guess most people do, but there's a certain comfort to this place. I'm a stone-cold materialist & hold no truck with any sort of concept of "soul", much less the transmigration thereof, but I must admit it is nice to know I'll have a pleasant, shady spot werein to do my decomposing once the time comes. Not everyone can say that, & it is something.

Saturday, July 20, 2019

 Another day I pretty much slept away. Unlike usual, though, this was on purpose. Woke up this morning & decided I just didn't want to deal with the rest of the world. And since I didn't have anything that needed doing, I just slept it away.

 I'll probably go back to sleep once I get this knocked out. Not really interested in being alive today. Don't remember any dreams, either, which is nice. I'm not really sure how to put it in better words beyond "not interested in being alive", despite how that sounds. It's not good, don't get me wrong, but it's not as... final as one might think. I just don't have any desire to do anything. I've been doing this a good bit since I've moved home, but that's just because I've had more opportunity. There were plenty of times I would sleepwalk through work & more than once I slept my days off away.

 Only bad thing about this is I feel, physically, pretty crappy. Just sore and achey, but frankly, I always feel sore and achey. I don't remember the last time I felt good. Probably when I was still with the Ex, and I wouldn't tell her this, but I doubt it had anything to do with her.

 Anyhow, I need to take a shower. Tomorrow's Memorial at Bourland Cemetery, and as much as I don't want to visit anyone's grave, much less Daddy's, I need to put in an appearance.

Friday, July 19, 2018

 I dreamt I was fighting zombies with Hank Williams, Jr. I'm just going to let that sink in.

 They weren't Romero zombies, but regular people who were posses by some dark, ancient force that looked like black roots. Because of this, the authorities thought we were killing regular people. We had picked up a rag-tag group, including my brother & a pair of comic relief, & were making our way from L.A. to Atlanta. We had crossed paths with the Doctor (in an indirect cameo) & Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. Just before I woke up, we'd been captured by some well-funded secret society that was dedicated to fighting this ancient evil which intended to use us as a suicide squad.

 Definitely the best dream I've had in months.

 In other news, today would've been my father's 74th birthday. More later, as it's time for breakfast.

Thursday, July 18, 2019

 Another time when a nap after supper almost caused me to miss today's gibberish. It's 10:32 p.m. I really don't have anything noteworthy, but it's the journey, I'm told, not the arrival.

 I was supposed to go to the dentist today to continue my teeth cleaning. I was just about out the door when the clinic called & said the dental hygienist had the stomach flu, bless her heart, so the session was cancelled. This was supposed to be the final session, but they canceled last week, too, so I don't know where we stand. At least they got me before I drove all the way out to Mantachie. Ever been to Mantachie? No offense, but there's not much to recommend it.

 So, my day was pretty bust. I didn't sleep well last night, so I went back to sleep & then hit the gym. And that was about it. Nothing is really sparking still & I still feel mentally sluggish. We're still on the "Trump is totally a racist, what are you kidding me" cycle of the news.

  I really got nothing. I may go back to sleep. In any event, I'm going to go ahead & publish this before midnight. Just passed six weeks. Still no stories, but hey.

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

 I'm in a good mood but I've had kind of a wasted day. It come a fierce thunderstorm first thing this morning, probably the most rain we've gotten since this Barry thing started. Otis had to stay inside until after lunch & he did not care for that. Meant to go to the gym, but my nap came at me weird. Had a dream concerning my brother being irritating, my mother telling me I couldn't get mad about it (a childhood pet peeve), & my shoes not fitting properly.

 Anyhow, Trump's giving a speech tonight to stir up the howler monkeys, & it's going about like you'd expect. I'm tired of thinking about him & them. Watching Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, & man, the Aughts were a wacky time.

 I honestly don't have much going today. I was forced to watch video of Trump "macking" at a party with Jeffery Epstein & a bunch of Buffalo Bills cheerleaders because I wasn't able to scroll past fast enough. Y'all, we had to see middle-aged Donald Trump get down & funky. We had to see him do the White Man's Overbite. Interesting times.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

 Spent the evening getting certified to help run the upcoming elections. I didn't catch a word of it, frankly, & will have to learn by doing. Interesting night all around, really. Went up there with the Cousin's Wife, as she'd needed to re-up her certification, & if it weren't for her (in her mid-20s), I would've been the youngest person there. One gentleman had been running elections for 40 years. Think about that.

 Part of the reason I'm doing this is, of course, is to have a reason to get out of the house, but another reason is to actually be involved with the whole election process. I do think voting is important & the fact that less than half the voting age population doesn't vote accounts for much of why a goddamn D-lister celebrity is currently in the White House & stoking the fears of bed-wetting honkies across the nation. I don't know if I'll do it past this first primary (& possibly run-off if necessary), but we'll see. If nothing else, it's something to do.

 Dudes are still wetting themselves about Megan Rapinoe, & one of the things they're crying about is her supposed lack of "sportsmanship". That's just horse shit. This whole idea of "sportsmanship" in professional sports is generally a way for sad bastards to feel superior to (usually) minority or female athletes when they're fail to show proper respect for the man. Russell Wilson caught this shit back when the Seahawks won the Superbowl in 2014, & it was just as much garbage then as it is now. The real reason Piers Morgan & the rest of the panty-sniffers are so irked at Rapinoe is because she showed contempt for Trump - who deserves it, remember - & that drives these guys insane. He's the walking embodiment of White Guy Who's Only Rich & Famous & President Because The Game Is Rigged That Way, & to not show him fealty is to disrespect everything third-rate, mediocre honky douchebag whose dad got him a job.

 So anyway, that's that.

Monday, July 15, 2019

 Man, I laid down after supper & damn near missed the whole thing. Nothing really interesting to report on, however, as the days are becoming pretty rote. I don't mind dull, but I do recognize how bad I am to get into a rut. Still, I'm getting shit done, even it isn't a whole lot of shit & it's fairly inconsequential shit.

 Trump's doubling down on his undeniably racist rhetoric concerning the four House members, particularly Rep. Ilhan Omar, & his base is eating it up. I mean, they loathe this woman. For the record, I don't believe criticism of the Israeli government is anti-Semitic, nor, for that matter, do I believe Trump or the ranch-standard Republican cares one whit about the lives of the Jewish people beyond what they can drum up for supporting Israel. And as far as that goes, they only give a shit about Israel becomes it gives them a toe-hold into the Middle East.

 In any event, Rep. Omar is the new Emmanuel Goldstein for the wingnut loons, & I'm starting to worry one of those simpletons is going to do something horrible. And the thing is, if they do, both Trump & the howler monkeys will say that she not only deserved it, but it's probably Obama's fault somehow. I still don't understand why "decent Republicans" & "Never Trumpers" don't go in for Bill Weld.

 And, yes, telling any person of color to "go back to where you came from", especially when they actually come from the United States, is racist. Deal with it.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

 Yes, what the President tweeted this morning was racist. There is no arguing it. You cannot tell four women of color to "go back to where they came from" & it not be racist, especially when three were born here. It is always racist. It is never not racist. It's Racism 101. It's the first thing they teach you in racism class after learning all the basic slurs. It's even been used against people we now consider white.

 Also, Trump fans will not care. They will defend anything he says, any stance he takes. Mainly, they'll do this because they are racist, too, & that's why the vast majority of them voted for him. In fact, the only people who didn't vote for Trump out of pure racism - even though they were fine with racism regardless - have long since given up on him before this. This may shave off a few of the bootlickers, but most of the people with a shred of decency have long since began demanding Democrats to kiss their ass.

 If & when he gets nailed in the Epstein business, they will totally defend raping children. You know they will. They will be fine with it. They will be down with it. They will tell "heartwarming" stories about how their granddad raped their grandmother when she was 13, so it was all good. And believe you me, once that dime does drop, there's going to be a whole lot of conservative pundits & politicians airing their dirty laundry, & both doctrinaire Republicans & Never Trumpers will pooh-pooh it away.

 Seriously, you think this is the first time a Hispanic woman has been told to go back to where she came from even though she was born in the borough she represents? Get out of town.

 Anyhow. Decent enough day. Got a lot of rain but, again, TS Barry turned out to not be that big a deal. Communed with the front yard & didn't sleep the day away. And that's about that.

Saturday, July 13, 2019

 This may be the latest I've ever written this. It's almost 10 p.m. & I slept all day. I feel like shit, but all I really want to do is go back to sleep. I don't understand it. I do anything - from read to play a game to watch a show - for any length of time, & I am overcome with the need for sleep. Again, it's not a case of being tired or exhausted, it's more like I simply didn't get enough sleep. And that ain't true. Had a good six hours last night with that infernal machine strapped to me head. I don't understand it.

 So, again, I really don't have much to add. TS Barry turned out to be a lot of sound & fury signifying a whole lot of rain. I'm glad, New Orleans has taken too much shit. Especially glad since it'll shut up the dickholes who think "move & let it turn into a lagoon" is sharp thinking. We've been threatened with rain but nothing's come out of it. We'll probably get some tomorrow.

 What else is there? I mean, there's plenty in the news to go crazy about but frankly I just don't feel like it. I haven't had any memorable, much less interesting dreams lately. I will say it strikes me as odd in all my dreams I'm pretty much a foul up & irritation to others. Reckon what that means. Nothing good, probably.

 Anyhow, that's that. I need to get this in before Saturday's over, in any event.

Friday, July 12, 2019

 No better today, except the anger's more or less replaced with just flat-out depression. I don't understand why or where it comes from.

 I really don't feel like doing this. I've got nothing going on, I'm both pissed off & sad, & really tired of all this. Tired of everything. I slept most of the day. Same routine: get up, eat breakfast, take a nap, go to the gym, take a nap, have supper, write this bullshit, & probably have another shitty night's sleep.

 Really, I have nothing. Nothing fully formed, anyway. The world is screwed up, the president's an absolute moron, capitalism encourages complete evil, & frankly, I'm tired of even paying attention to it. On the upside, Alex Acosta resigned. He must be the one to fall on the sword with this whole Epstein thing, in re: the Trump administration.

 I really don't see Trump being held to any sort of account in all this, especially with this weird hands-off approach Pelosi is taking for some reason. I don't think she's intimidated by Trump or the Republicans, I just think she thinks she's playing some sort of "long game", like Republicans & Democrats have done for decades. Problem is, like Biden's presidential run, she's not recognizing that the game has decidedly changed in this post-Trump world.

 Anyhow. That's enough noodling.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

 Today was worse. I've wound up spending most of it asleep because I've been so irritated. I was supposed to have a dental appointment, but the damn place was closed. Apparently, they called to tell me but, unbeknownst to me, the phone with the answering machine is in my father's room, & we barely use that anymore, much less go into it.

 I don't understand why I'm so wiped out after just one good day. I didn't even do a whole lot yesterday, but all I want to do today is sleep. The brain's still not firing & nothing interesting is working it's way through. Ah, well. Been going back to Tachyon: The Fringe & Darkstar One, while watching The Venture Brothers. So, there you go.

 I swear, I'm so angry right now I could cry. I hate being this furious for no reason. The absolute worst part of the reemergence of the depression is this teeth-clenching rage from out of nowhere.

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

 Today was a better day, I'll give you that. It might be that I've had a fair amount of front-yard time today. Woke up, stayed up, had a little smoke, went to the gym, played some game, had another little smoke, & now this. Stayed awake the whole time, too, & last night wasn't any different. Six hours on the infernal machine, but there you go. Figure it out.

 It didn't occur to me until yesterday that I've been a full month doing this. Five weeks, actually, & I'm pretty impressed with myself, thank you very much. This is the longest I've done this sort of thing since, hell, I still made money occasionally by writing. Still no stories coming out, but what the hell. Baby steps.

 And, of course, the damn internet goes out. Hasn't been doing that as much lately, though it's been hotter than a bastard. There's a storm brewing in the Gulf, here's hoping it doesn't blow up into a hurricane when it hits land. I've heard they've had a mess of rain the last few days & the pumps are worth shit. Hopefully it won't blow up into anything foul before New Orleans can dry out some.

 Anyhow. Brain's still useless, but I'll take a decent mood any day. It's all a matter of keeping it going.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

  Another day I slept mostly through. Woke up by the dog, let him out, sleep until noon. Wake up, go to the gym, come back & sleep until dinner. I could very well go back to sleep right now, even though I slept good last night & had that infernal machine strapped to my face. I don't really understand it. I'm not tired, per se, I did all right at the gym, I'm just sleepy.

 The worst part of it is I can't think or concentrate like this. My brain is just dead & I zombie through the waking hours. Since I can't concentrate, I get bored quickly & decide, hell, might as well go back to sleep. So, that was my day. Maybe tomorrow.

Monday, July 8, 2019

 I was going to write something about that whole ice cream licking thing, but I simply can't wrap my head around filming yourself doing something that obnoxious & then posting it on social media. Apparently they've identified the first instance & there's a possibility of her doing 20 years, which is patently ridiculous who shit like this goes on. But apparently this has become a "thing" teenagers who don't have enough shit to do with their time. And they're filming it. Why would you film it, especially after the whole kerfuffle from this weekend?

 I guess I don't understand teenagers. The whole point when I was a kid was to not get caught.

 Anyhow. Decent enough day. Hot as blazes but I had a nice morning in the front yard. Still sleepy & disengaged, but the blanket's a little lighter & less all encompassing. And that's about that.

Sunday, July 7, 2019

 A little better today. Got a chance to commune with the front yard, & that's always nice. Didn't sleep for shit last night, but had a decent enough nap this afternoon followed by a visit to the gym. So, useful & productive, at least, for me anyway.

 The U.S. Women's National Team won their fourth World Cup, & good for them. A lot of conservatives are, of course, pissed off because a couple of the players failed to show proper adoration of the president & suddenly, that really pisses them off.

 Jefferey Epstein, famous rich guy, was arrested last night on allegations of running an underage sex ring. Lots of rich people & politicians are probably going to get away Scot-free, though I imagine someone other than Epstein will have to fall on a sword. I doubt Trump will get nailed, guilty or not, because the GOP won't toss him just yet &, even if he's guilty as hell, the MAGAts won't ever turn on him for something like that. I bet he's mad as an old wet hen about all this, though. I just hope Dershowitz gets his nuts nailed to a wall, though.

 Anyhow, that's all I got now.

Saturday, July 6, 2019

 Another grey day that I spent mostly asleep. I slept a good six hours last night with that infernal machine strapped to my face like I was supposed, yet went right back to sleep after breakfast. I woke up a couple of times to consider interacting with the rest of the world only to decide it really wasn't worth it. And it's entirely possibly I'll shut right down again once I get this knocked out.

 So I started writing this two hours ago, & this is as far as I've gotten. There is just nothing firing today & I honestly can't figure out why I still have days like this. I used to chalk it up to overwork plus massive amounts of weed, just part of that miserable existence. Now, when I have no stress or responsibilities? I don't understand why I'm still so miserable.

 Ah, well. Maybe tomorrow will be less cloudy. There's always tomorrow.

Friday, July 5, 2019

 Turning into a very Twitter afternoon. Need to watch myself. I'm stoned enough to be sassy but straight enough to know I'm not as funny as I think I am.

 My Uncle just dropped by & we chatted. They're getting into horses, mainly for the grandkids. Something to do, I suppose.

 The blanket's settled back on my shoulders. Though I enjoyed yesterday - & to be honest, so far today - there's an undercurrent of gloom. It's also grumpy, which is the most dangerous mood of all. Pissed off & nihilistic, I bet Schopenhauer was a son of a bitch.

 This has been a pretty drab day. Not bad, just empty, soulless. Joyless, maybe, but pleasant enough.

This won't take long.

 But the 2012 rendition of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from Nickelodeon is pretty enjoyable. I'm not the focus group - I remember being aware of the comic book & catching the original cartoon's five-episode debut on satellite wild feed. But I was still maybe five years too old for it. My cousin dug 'em big-time & I always had a soft spot for that whole story. Anyhow, they've since rebooted it & I don't know, but this is fun. It's sort of like the Justice League & Avengers cartoons from before the movies, the right side of fan boys taking over the reigns.

 I also like The Amazing World Of Gumball from Cartoon Network. That's a wacky bit of fun.

Thursday, July 4, 2019

 Today is July 4th. I do not care about holidays. I am not religious, so that's out. It's not a matter of patriotism (or lack thereof), really. I can't remember the last time I did something specific on Independence Day that wasn't work.

 On the upside, this is one of the few days Momma enjoys socializing. She's been down to the Aunt's place & now she's taking part in a childhood friend's get-together. So she's in and out all day. I need to go to the gym, but I'm probably not going to.

 Apparently, someone reads this. One view a day, I wonder how that works. Hate it for them.

 I just don't have much going today. Twitter is telling me Trump's to-do is getting rained on. I really don't know what to say about that. You sort of knew it was going to be a wet far of an event, but that's just goofy.

 There was a 6.6 earthquake in California, centered somewhere in Kern County, I'm told. People are okay, though, & apparently it wasn't that big a mess. I'm glad no one was hurt. I traveled through California on my recent trip & went across the Kern River because of the Merle Haggard song. Of all the places out West I traveled through, it seemed the most familiar, the most like something I knew. Take that for what you will.

 Also, found this on YouTube. Always makes for a good day.

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

 Momma's in a good mood & I am not, so she's driving me up the wall. Spent 20 minutes explaining the old Simon & Garfunkel song "Mrs. Robinson" to her & it's not like she lived in a cave in the late '60s.

 This day was kind of a blur. Wound up sleeping for a good bit & I'm still sort of out of it. It seems if I get a good day, I have to pay for it the next day, even if I don't stay up until ridiculous hours. I still don't know if it's just the depression, an aspect of the sleep apnea or something else entirely. I've said it before, but I'm putting all this time, effort & money into staying alive & semi-healthy, & I'm not having enough fun to make it worth my while.

 Ah, well. Tomorrow's the 4th & Momma's probably going to the Bennett's for their annual party, so I might get some time to myself. This was just not a good day, that's all. It happens.

 Also, I can't get worked up about the end of Mad Magazine since Bill Gaines' death in 1992. Putting it down is long overdue.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

 The U.S. women's soccer team beat England 2-1 to advance to the finals, so of course all the conservatives are rooting against them because a couple of them were rude to the whiny asshole who's spent all day slagging big cities. "Never Trumpers" are throwing continuous hissy fits that Democrats aren't falling down to their knees to give them what they want - i.e., a candidate who governs like Trump but isn't the boob he is - while studiously avoiding even pretending to know about Bill Weld's candidacy. Finally, Colin Kaepernick, Nike, & the American Flag are all again connected, & wingnuts are loosening their bowls in protest, as they do.

So a pretty good day to stay inside a book & ignore the outside world.

 Apparently, superstar Alex Morgan drank an invisible cup of tea when she scored a goal, so now all the people who apparently get legitimately upset about "sportsmanship" in billion-dollar professional sports (especially when it's from someone they're hating on) are throwing their usual stroppy. It's not a fully formed though, but I'm inclined to believe anyone who natters on about "sportsmanship" in professional sports is just looking for a way to strike back at whoever beat their team.

 Okay, so the deal out in Portland. Here's all I'm going to say about that. One, journalism is - and should be - a contact sport. You're going to waste your time about "what should be" while "what is" is trashing your car. Don't start no shit, won't be no shit, true, but you won't get the story. Hell, I don't know one professional journalist who's never been physically threatened, & that includes gardening section editors. You're getting in between two clashing ideologies made up, primarily, of suburban, bourgeoisie middle-class white kids, & you're just asking for it.

 And remember, this is a GOOD thing. One's mileage may vary of course, but it's kept me alive.

Monday, July 1, 2019

 This starts the third week. Two full weeks, no days off, at least 500 words a day. Nothing particular said, but I'm proud of myself nevertheless.

  Anyhow, I'll have to come back to it.

 Funny, here's me bragging on two weeks & I can't think of anything pertinent to put here. Figures. It is hot today, hot & humid, almost unbearably so. The temperature isn't anything outrageous, just in the low 90s, but the humidity is just oppressive. Different than it was in New Orleans. There, it felt like hot, thick soup - or gumbo, if you like - while here's like standing too close to a stove.

 Glad I ain't got to be outside in that shit.