Saturday, August 31, 2019

Saturday, August 31, 2019

 Did I call it or what? It would b nice to be able to go through a whole week without having to completely shut down for one day.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

 Another day has come & gone. I'm tired & we're going to keep this short, so let's get started.

Monday, August 26, 2019

Monday, August 26, 2019

 This morning we awoke to dark clouds & pouring rain. My mood & interest in dealing with the rest of the world never recovered. This will probably be a short one.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Saturday, August 24, 2019

 It's been bucketing rain all afternoon but the storm's moved away. All we hear is the distant roll of thunder, like the last mumbled complaints of a bad argument. It's been hot & humid for the past couple weeks without a cloud in the sky. A storm is brewing in the Gulf, hurricane season has been quiet but it's not over. Never turn your back on hurricane season, kids, it will kick your teeth out.

Time Out How Dave Brubeck Changed Jazz

Friday, August 23, 2019

Friday, August 23, 2019

 It occurred to me today that I start these things with a quick rundown of my mood & my overall physical health. I think I sort of prefer that because that is the least interesting part of any of this. Anyhow.

Tom T. Hall - "Faster Horses (The Cowboy and The Poet)"

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

 The Funk has its claws deep in me. I am down & discouraged with things in general. I can't help but wonder if this is worth the effort, if there's anyone paying attention, if I want anyone to pay attention. Maybe I just should find another kitchen hereabouts & consider that's it. The Funk plus the Sleep is tough to deal with, it's like a one-two punch. Still, the Work demands.

Monday, August 19, 2019

Monday, August 19, 2019

 I stayed up too late last night, my sleep mask slipped off at one point, & I've felt out of sorts all day. Really, I'm not up for this & frankly don't give a shit. But this is Work & Work Must Be done.

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Sunday morning - & afternoon, heading into evening - coming down, indeed. Decent enough day & decent enough mood. The anxiety & skittishness of the past couple of days has seemed to pass. I wonder if it was yesterday's medication run to Tupelo. Momma, the Therapist, the Psych Doc, the Little Brother, the Sister-In-Law, the Better Angels, various relatives, they all say I do need to get out of the house more & interact with real people, & I know that - to a certain degree - they're right.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Saturday, August 17, 2019

 The Sleep overtook me today, & I just let it happen. The cruddy feeling & foul mood of yesterday continued, so I feel I didn't miss much. I'm in one of my down moods, where I don't want to do anything much beyond stay asleep & not dream, or failing that, stare at the wall/moronic videos on YouTube. Today was that sort of day, & I just didn't feel like dealing with it.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Friday, August 16, 2019

 It's Friday, another day of suffocating heat. I feel like I have red-clay mud flowing through my veins instead of good, old blood. This how I used to feel before I spent the week in the hospital to learn I'd have to spend the rest of my life taking Elvis-sized handfuls of pills for hypertension. I thought it was just because I hated work, but nope. No sir, the old blood pressure was pinging at 270/160. That is too high. I should've been spurting blood like a mook in a Zatoichi movie.

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Thursday, August 15, 2019

 Last day of the teeth cleaning regime. Things look as good as they can, which just about sums up my philosophy of life more than damn near anything, I'd bet.


 I'm glad to see everyone's alright. I don't even pretend to give half a damn for racing in general or NASCAR in particular, but Dale Earnhardt, Jr. always struck me as a good ol' boy.

 Hey, how's that for "journalism", cowboy? I've decided to not pay any attention to any pundits on Twitter no more than I have to. That goes double for, well, guys like me: straight white cis middle class bourgeois males from this particular stretch of time. I know what I think. Unless, of course, it's like Paul Krugman on economics or Kevin Kruse on history, & they know their shit, even if it's the most specialized bland, basic shit, it's still good to know. People say shit like "that's Econ 101" like the fundamentals don't matter.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

"Wild Night" by Frankie Miller & Brinsley Schwarz





 This is a great cover of a great song. I used to play in a band that played this song. Loads of fun to play.

Addendum

 It's Momma's birthday. She's 70 & still being loud.

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

 The Sleep got me today & got me good. Slept in after letting Otis out, was barely conscious for maybe hour, & then slept until three. Woke up, zombied through the gym, supper & a commune with the front yard. I feel anxious & ill at ease, afraid to make decisions or make any sort of impact on the rest of reality. I couldn't tell you what spurned any of it on because I can't think of why myself. Yesterday was a good day, today was a worry from the get-go.

 But I preserver & am calming down. Downside is I didn't go to Work today &, thus, haven't been able to Pay Attention. And I don't care, the world's a mess but Enon Holler's fine. It's you I feel sorry for, bubba. Wish I could help, I truly do, but I don't see anywhere I could do you much good.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

 I'm going to take it easy on the politics today. It's starting to wear me down. This is a young man's game, & I'm afraid I simply don't have enough rage to do it properly. That doesn't mean I won't do it, I just won't do it every day. I wonder if I've gone far enough in this to give it a miss here & there. I probably shouldn't, helps to keep up, I suppose.

 Went & saw the Psych Doc today. This was more of the "pleasant chat" type visits rather than a "fix Matt" type visit. He did up my Wellbutrin, however, & we discussed the possibility that starting it helped usher this along. I admit, I have long been uncomfortable with the chemical aspect of my mood, even though I know the positive effects I have had from taking them, both now & in the past. Regardless, I haven't had an adverse reactions & I do like me some mind-altering chemicals.

Monday, August 12, 2019

Monday, August 12, 2019

 I am very tired & not particularly in the mood for this today. The heat is fierce & getting worse. It'll stay in the 90s all week & might break 100 by the weekend. No relief in sight, either, just more foul heat & humidity.

 The Sleep is still on me, not quite as strong as it was, but it's coupled with difficulty falling asleep. So, that's always fun. The end result is I am basically not into doing this today, but since it'd be a damn shame to break the streak, we'll do something. So let's see what pops up.

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Sunday, August 11, 2019

 The Sleep is still on me today. I don't know why, I slept pretty good last night. Even went to sleep early (for me) around 11:30 p.m. But it's Sunday & Sunday's should be for lazy. It's blasted hot out, heavy with humidity. I wonder if we'll get some more rain this evening.

 I can't really touch on much today. I did get a chance to commune with the front yard, & that's always pleasant. More information about the world's horrors have either come to light or been confirmed. There was another mosque shooting, this time in Norway. No one was killed, thankfully, but the shooter did express sympathies with the dickhead out in Texas. His "manifesto" was posted on something called "endchan", which apparently as bad as the rest of the "-chans". There also evidence he might be like the Christchurch shooter, trying to be what the kids call an "edgelord".

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Saturday, August 10, 2019

 The Sleep is on me today. I didn't rest well last night, & all day I've been sluggish & dragging. Didn't do much besides sleep today, actually. I'm a little tired & run down from the week, & sleeping was more disinterest in dealing with the rest of the world than anything else.

NFL Owners Have Always Been Terrible. It's Just That Now The President Is Worse. by Charles P. Pierce

 Interesting little article by Charlie Pierce about the absolute bastardry of NFL owners in a world where the President of the United States is even worse.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Technical Difficulties, I'm sure.

 I don't know what I did to monkey up that last entry. If you have any trouble reading it, here's a link to my Wordpress page. It's basically a mirror of this until I think of something clever to do with it.

 Maybe I should write all these out on Google Docs before I commit. Maybe I'm taking all this way too seriously.

Friday, August 9, 2019

 A quick thunder shower just blew through & it's hot & humid outside. Otis in his cave because the ground's pretty wet & he can't go outside. I'm sitting here listening to the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's seminal Uncle Charlie & His Dog Teddy. Specifically, "Mississippi Rain", which is about coming back to a small town & not really belonging anymore. Yeah, that hits home.

 I've been home over a year, & my world barely leaves Enon Holler. It occurred to me this morning that with this whole helping to run the election, I'm not only reconnecting with part of my past, I'm becoming part of the community again. I don't seek out my school friends. Be honest, most of them I really didn't like all that much back then. Most of my life, especially my youth, I've been treated as something of a punchline. To be fair, I am a bit of a goofball & Mississippi is mean as hell.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Thursday, August 8, 2019

 The Sleep is upon me today. I used the infernal machine last night & slept fairly well, but I've got that dreary languor that I cannot place its cause. Same dragging feeling, same zombie mindset. Anyhow.

 Hey, remember that big round of arrests the ICE did yesterday at chicken plants across Mississippi? The one that came just after the company, Koch Foods, just got through paying out over $3 million on a sexual harassment case? Yeah, they cut half of them loose, emotionally scaring no telling how many kids on the first day of school of the year for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Good job, y'all.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

 Lazy day. The heat's climbing back up & there's threat of some thunderstorms on the horizon. Another late summer in Northeast Mississippi.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

NOTE: This was written on August 6, but for some reason, I saved it to drafts instead of publishing it proper. Ah, well.

 I spent today helping run the election for the Mississippi primary today. I got to the Cardsville Fire Station at 7 a.m. & left about 12 minutes to 8 p.m. Saw a lot of people I haven't seen in 20 years, saw several people I rarely see outside of funerals, & saw a whole helluva lot of people I didn't know from Adam's house cat. Remember, I've been gone 20 years, & there's been a great deal of change in my little unincorporated community. Also, we're a very overweight community. Not a knock, just an observation.

 Out of a little over 200 registered voters, we had about 110 actually vote. I'm told that for a county primary - especially one that elected us a new supervisor, a very important position in this part of the world - the turnout was low. I was the bailiff, which meant I would help with any temporary ballots (of which there were none) & if folks salty (no one did) I called the fuzz on them. It was pretty damn boring, but I got a lot of reading done.

 Because the fire station is constructed in such a way that it basically makes a Faraday cage, I couldn't get a single for my phone &, thus, I missed both the news & Twitter. So, I have no idea about what sort of awful horse shit Trump & his boot-licking cult followers peddled today. Apparently, there's a lot of butt hurt because Julian Castro published a list of Trump donors, information that is totally & completely available to the public. "They're trying to shame Trump supporters," they bleat. Well, you should be ashamed, dicks.

 Also, Republicans are fighting like hell to blame the recent shooting murders on El Paso & Dayton on anything but toxic masculinity & the ridiculous availability of high-powered weaponry. One thick shmuck even said the reason Japan didn't have mass shootings was because they didn't have video games. Sure. Trump is also calling for involuntary incarceration of the "mentally ill", which isn't Nazi at all.

 Anyhow. I'm tired & don't have the use to learn how screwed up the world was while I was doing my part for democracy, so that's enough of that.

Monday, August 5, 2019

Monday, August 5, 2019

 The weekend ended, thankfully, & the Earth rolls on. Another pair of deaths came of the shooting in El Paso, bringing the total up to 22. In Dayton, we've learned more about the shooter & it's confusing. While the El Paso shooter posted a manifesto the referenced Trump's rhetoric involving immigration, we really don't have a bead on what influenced the Dayton shooter.

 His social media suggests he was anti-Trump & expressed favor for Elizabeth Warren in the 2020 Democratic nomination. However, peers of his from high school have noted he was a complete bastard & an awful human being. Apparently, he kept a "kill list" for his male classmates & a "rape list" for the female ones. Honestly, politics aside - & we fool ourselves if we want to pretend the Left is free of misogyny - that's goddamn creepy.

 One thing that strikes me, & I may be putting pieces together where they don't fit, the Dayton shooter - a middle-class white dude - shot nine people, six of whom were black. The place where the murders took place has been described as "Western themed", but it wasn't a country bar. I find this interesting. This kid came loaded for bear, multiple rounds & body armor. He came to kill, & I personally don't think white people who shoot 9 people in under 30 seconds, intended to shoot more & two-thirds were black deserve the benefit of the doubt. We'll see. As I said, as of right now, we don't have a reason why.

 For what it's worth, "mental illness" doesn't make the nut. He planned this out & it's only through dumb luck & quick cops that he was dropped as soon as he was. The El Paso guy was less wel-prepared & has been described as "cold, remorseless", but "mental illness" doesn't make one post a manifesto or drive 10 hours to a town right on the Mexican border &, thus, full of Mexicans.

 It good news, & it took one white nationalist-fueled mass shooting to do it, but Nazi=friendly kiddie porn site 8chan was been booted by their server, & good fucking riddance. Free speech, my ass, if you soil the play ground, the owners have the right to boot your nasty ass out. Deal with it & shut up. I don't have patience for you perverted little shits anymore & I'm tired of you yo-yos  deciding who should live & who should die in "your country". I piss on your neckbeards.

 The dim-witted, vulgar slob of a president, full of Yellow Jackets & trucker speed, babbled off a nearly incoherent speech, blaming the media & confusing Ohio cities, while conservative nitwits blamed video games, lack of prayer in the classroom, feminism, abortion, & leprechauns or some shit, just like they have for everything since I was old enough to pay attention. And the gun fetishes are buckling down to not budge an inch. There's a lot of anger among us who aren't paranoid dingbats with inflated senses of self-importance, but the rotten Mitch McConnell will fight any sort of legislation to change anything because he is bought & sold by the pimps at the NRA. He fractured his shoulder this weekend. Good.

 In maybe more disappointing news, rattled old creep Joe Biden got the cities mixed up, as well, & if he doesn't get the nod in 2020 by gutless Democrats & the poor, deluded bastards who think there's a return to pre-Trump politics, well... let's just say I wouldn't be surprised. Those days are gone, bubba, it is a whole new world. Buckle up.

 I tire of this.

 I've been thinking a lot about my own gun ownership a lot lately. As a boy, I used to hunt deer, dove & occasionally raccoon. My father also hunted turkey & duck, while my brother would occasionally go out to bag a few squirrels. I haven't counted lately, but we have a plethora of shotguns & rifles, semi-auto & lever-action. There's a couple .50 caliber muzzle loaders, a couple compound bows & maybe a crossbow around here someplace. Through uncles & cousins who still hunt - & at least one who's into guns in the non-creepy "maybe has sex with it" way - so I have access to many more. I haven't shot a gun in 20 years & really haven't had the desire to do so.

 Maybe next time the kinfolk get together to shoot skeet I should join them. It's a strange world in interesting times, friends & neighbors, & the screwheads are not only at the gate, they work for the law & have carte blanche to shoot us down like rats in the street. I live out in the boonies already; I don't need to make it easy for anyone.

Ancient Demons with Irving Finkel I Curator's Corner season 3 episode 7







The best part is this old gentleman explaining the plot of The Exorcist. He's not a fan.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Sunday, August 4, 2019

 I go to sleep last night after yesterday's horror & wake up to find there'd been another shooting, this time in Dayton, OH. Nine people murdered & another 16 injured, bringing the total up to 29 dead & 42 hurt & god knows how many irrevocably terrified for life. It was another white kid in his early twenties with a .223-caliber rifle, except this one had on body armor & carried additional high-capacity magazines.

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Saturday, August 3, 2019

 I take a nap & wake up to hear that there'd been another mass shooting, this time in El Paso, TX. The shooter murdered 19 20 people at a Wal-Mart. It's been confirmed he bought into the theory that Mexicans in particular & brown people in general were taking "his Texas" away from him, & that's why he decided to murder a bunch of people. He's in custody.

Friday, August 2, 2019

Friday, August 2, 2019

  It's Friday & I have nothing really to say. Just one of those there kind of days. Let the dog out, ate breakfast, look at the world for a bit, took a nap, went to the gym, & now I'm contemplating supper.

Thursday, August 1, 2019

Thursday, August 1, 2019

 Went for the third round of teeth cleaning today & my mouth hurts like a bastard. Get your teeth cleaned more than once a decade, kids, periodontal disease ain't no joke.