Nothing particularly spectacular but a nevertheless solid week of work. Good blogger journalism, old school style, no Deep Dives but a good whack of information on how the week was going. Frankly, between the Actual Paying work and internet connectivity issues earlier in the week, it went better than I'd figured it would.
I've come to accept that this, whatever it is, is What I Do, even if I'm not happy the fiction isn't going anywhere. I've always had a problem focusing on one thing. It's one of the reasons I got into journalism, specifically, in the first place.
I guess the problem is when I read all these books on writing and actual writers giving advice on how writers act, see the world, etc., it doesn't ring true to me. I have no doubt that's how it works for most writers - they can't help but write, they pay attention more, what have you - but it's not my reality. This is just the only thing I've ever been good at and one of the few things I really enjoy beyond passively watching the world go by and waiting around to die. I promise it's not as drastic as it sounds, but you must remember I spend most of my time fighting off the worst nihilistic thoughts.
It's sort of like how I feel about relationships, particularly marriage. I know plenty of people who do it right and get a lot out of it. I ain't the one, though, and I really don't understand it. And while I'm fine with my monastic existence, particularly since I'm so bad at romantic relationships of any stripe beyond just the physical, I can't lie and say it doesn't sit well with me that I cannot wrap my head around what apparently everyone else on the planet seems to have figured out.
Or at the very least why I'm not filled with bitter resentment and misogynistic rage most single dudes my age seem to be, whether they were ever hooked to someone or not. I really don't understand that, either. I mean, I've had spotty luck with women all my life, but I know what's been my fault and what's just not meant to be. Some dickhead shot up a mall in Arizona because he's an "incel" and for some reason that gives him the right to decide who lives and who dies painfully.
I confess, I do not get that a'tall. For one, the whole concept of "involuntary celibacy" was thought up by a queer sociology student and meant to describe people who were unable to have sex because of physical or mental disabilities. That shit's sad. Whether it's due to depression (which I have experience with) or just being physically inadvisable for whatever reason, sex is as much a part of the Human Condition as eating or taking a dump. I haven't had sex in going on five years now, but that's voluntary celibacy, or at least "not being interested in sex enough to try to get laid" celibacy.
But the guys who can't get laid because they can't talk about anything but video games they think women shouldn't play and smell funny because of their diet and lack of hygiene? Half of them can't get their heads around girls who don't like anime characters and the other half think porn is how human sexuality actually works. I got sympathy at all, especially when they started talking mass shootings. I may not do much now, but I got laid plenty in my 20s, and, frankly, whenever I put my mind to it. Clean up, dress a little sharper, find something other than cartoons to discuss, and actually pay attention to women when they talk. You'll make out like a bandit, I promise.
All right, I've wandered too deep into this. Let's back it up and claw our way back out. In short, like I don't understand why my brother and my friends got married and stayed married, I don't get writing as an artistic endeavor. I can enjoy it, but what I do is journeyman's work. It's like when I was a cook. I wasn't crazy about food like most cooks are, I just wanted to feed hungry people something that was worth eating. I just want to write something worth reading to people who want to know.
Okay. I think that's plenty. I was going to delve a little more into the thoughts that spurred this Twitter thread, but I think I'll wait. American's love for authoritarianism isn't going anywhere anytime soon. So, I'll save it for later and tie this one off.