Tuesday, June 23, 2020

With the best behind us now, there's no way in and no way out.

 So, this "write it in the morning" stroke has kind of hit a snag the last couple days. I've got no good excuse, really. I haven't been feeling right and haven't been sleeping right the last couple of days. Plus, I've had some Actual Paying Work to get done and that always saps me. Matter of fact, I've got this month's last order to get done tonight.
 
 It's funny. Just Friday I talked to the Therapist on a matter completely unrelated to my head issues but, since we were talking, I told her about how basically pretty good the last couple of months have been to me, what with the actual paying gig and the boost that brings. And like clockwork, I've been gloomy, sullen and withdrawn. Which, of course, I am generally anyway, but more so than usual. She said to think of three things to be thankful for, and at least two are usually "I don't have to punch a clock today" and "I got money coming in from writing". That third one is usually a booger, but generally revolves around being well fed.

 Ah, me. It's been about 45 minutes since I wrote the above paragraph. There's a light but steady rain outside keeping me and my buddy Otis, the Jack Russell, from taking our evening constitutional. I think it's starting to sink into his thick little skull that it's not happening tonight. I really should make myself walk in the morning, too. Really should start going back to the gym while I'm at it.

 So, I don't know what else. As I've noted, I've been pretty shut down the last couple of days, just re-reading Hunter Thompson's Hell's Angels, Jeff Sharlet's The Family and Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman. There's no telling how many books I'd get through if I didn't spend so much time rereading stuff I've already read. Sometimes, like the HST book, I just like the way it flows. Sometimes, like Shallet's book, it's because it's pertinent to today's events. And sometimes, like the O'Brien book, I'm going back through to see what I missed the first time, 'cause I missed a lot. Plus, it's a fun read.

 It's been a good two hours since I last wrote. The rain cleared out, so me and Otis took our constitutional, a good two-mile round trip walk. Then I helped Momma load up her pickup truck. She's got it in her head to clear out the basement of near forty years of school notebooks, broken toys, broken canning jars, Christmas ornaments, worn-out shoes, and the other flotsam and jetsam of life that's accumulated down there. It's quite a bit and it's an odd feeling to go through your childhood to come out the other end with, "Yeah, go ahead and toss it." But that's how life goes.

 I'm just going to spin wheels until I hit 500, sorry. I had a bit in mind about why it's a good thing I never married - has to do with '80s country music and my own disinclination to bend when challenged - but I'm tired and I still have that APW to get done. Luckily, it's not on a really heavy topic that'll require a lot of work. Speaking of country music, I also had something about why since '80s country is my favorite, I don't have much use for the "save country music" hipsters. In any event, listen to Earl Thomas Conley and Keith Whitley. They're awesome.

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