Thursday, November 19, 2020

I was made to play the part.

 We're on the sixteenth (16) day of the 2020 Presidential Election. Though he has yet to accept the reality of the situation, Trump's chances are drifting further away and Joe Biden's victory becomes more solid. They recently finished up a count in Georgia, confirming his victory. After the election commission declined to challenge the Michigan vote based on a pair of GOP members' blatantly racist attempts to toss out votes from the predominately African American Detroit while ignoring more suspicious if predominately White communities, those same weasels said they wanted a do-over. It was past due, so nothing can come of it, but an interesting wrinkle is Trump himself took an active role in getting them to monkey with the count.

 And depending on how it's approached, that might be illegal. Much like how Senator Lindsey Graham's attempts to influence Georgia's count in his master's favor might be illegal, at that level it all depends on how bad they fumbled it and just who they've pissed off along the way. In any event, the Trump gang have withdrawn their lawsuit, saying it's served its purpose of, and I quote, "to stop the election in Wayne County from being prematurely certified before residents can be assured that every legal vote has been counted and every illegal vote has not been counted." In other words, they wanted to slow down the inevitable since the game was over Tuesday night, and that's supposed to be a victory. Otherwise, they're like 2-27 when it comes to lawsuits trying to change what can't be changed.

 So much for all of that. As I've noted a number of times, I am sick to death of writing about the election, just as I'm sick to death of writing about whatever soft-headed bullshit Trump and his goons pull next. Either as president or trying to be president again, I am tired of that fool's very existence. Don't get it twisted, I wish him no special or particular harm. I just long for the day when I don't have to worry about the bastard anymore. He's a cheap punk and we're not only a poorer nation for his presidency and the viler aspects of the American Psyche it encouraged, we're a poorer culture just because a half-wit greedhead like that can become president.

 Donald Trump is an example of the American Dream being a dead and lifeless thing. He didn't kill it, but if there was actually anything to it, he would've never become a celebrity much less President and Most Powerful Man in the World. That's just all there is to it.

 Okay, then, let's move on. I have some Actual Paying Work to do tonight. It's a different beast than the usual post for a law firm to snag Google hits. Not much different, mind you, and it's more a question of for whom it's written rather than the subject matter. Either way, it's not interesting to get too deep into. Which as much as anything brings me to my next stroke.

 I often wonder just how much I should share here. Politics, naturally, and pop culture recommendations/considerations, of course. However, I find myself reticent to get too deep into my own brain here. If we met in public and became friends, you'd shortly know just about everything I tell anyone, from my closest friend to my therapist. I'm that sort of cat, I wear myself completely on my sleeve, and what I wouldn't tell you I don't tell anyone.

 My past because, quite frankly, I don't find it all that interesting. I had a good time as much as possible and when I wasn't was when things got ugly. I don't really like talking about friends and family, past or present. I have nothing but love for everyone who rides the highways with me and I've forgiven everyone I thought wronged me, whether they did or it was just my take on things.

 I really don't care to talk about my romantic history because, not to put too fine a point on it, I really can't figure it out. It's the same stroke; when I had fun it was great, when I didn't it wasn't. I'm not good at relationships or intimacy, stayed faithful if boring. I've had way more "meaningless" sexual encounters than actual relationships and I regret none of them. I don't think many women who were part of the process regretted it much, either. No one holds it against me, at least.

 The only problem, if it is indeed a problem, is it sometimes bothers me at just how inept at it. My brother celebrated his eighth anniversary earlier this week. My cousin recently hit her twenty-fifth. Some of my closest friends have recently clocked ten years together. My parents were together 44 years before my father died.

 I don't understand any of it. My last girlfriend is a wonderful human being and was in love with me. I was not in love with her, or at least I don't think. She's still one of my Better Angels and is better off with her current fella. Most of the ones before her I haven't talked to in at least five years. No real reason, just when it's over I think it's over.

 There's no regret or wistfulness at losing their affection, either. If they never think of me, fine. Indeed, the one woman I actually burned for and wanted body and soul... well, let's just say I could've had a one-night stand if I wanted. She was right there and ready to go, believe you me. But that one time it wasn't enough to have sex and go on with life. She still drifts across my mind, but I'm so glad I'm not the man in her life now, some fifteen years later.

 At the time, passion clouded my thinking and desire destroyed reason. When it fell through because she chose someone else - someone she told me regularly treated her shitty but she "couldn't have two men in her heart" - I was miserable for six weeks or maybe three months. I couldn't understand why she didn't choose me when I told her I would give her anything I could and, at the time, I meant it. I would have given her the whole world. At the time.

 Nowadays, I'm happy she's happy with her life, and she is, just as I'm extremely happy I'm not the father of her children or even who she sees when she first wakes in the morning. Was it love? I still don't know and that bothers me. I know I've never felt like that for anyone since, even for women who wanted that from me and I couldn't give it. That question bothers me, but not because I wish things were different. I just don't like not knowing something and I guess that's something I'll never figure out.

 Well, neighbors, that's enough of that nonsense. Back to politics, country music, and video games, I say. We're having fun and, in any event, it's like that old New Orleans saying.

 It is what it is.

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