Well, I hold up my hand. I'm just trying to understand.

  I seem to have shaken loose from the worst of the blues that have been sitting on my head for the past few weeks. I'm not exactly dancing down the street but it's not as bad as it was. And like with how it came in, I have no idea what made it leave out. It is what it is, I reckon.

 So let's get the News down. Decent week despite my lack of enthusiasm not only for writing but also for existence in general. Monday was a bit on the weirdness going on in Belarus while Wednesday we looked at yet another mass shooting that has become as American as baseball, apple pie, and cheating on your taxes. Friday was a look into the GOP trying like hell to sweep the Great American Temper Tantrum even further under the rug.

 Okay, then. I played a good chunk of Max Payne 2 last night. I know I'm late to the party on this one, but it deserves its accolades. Jumping around in slow motion while shooting people is a hoot. The story's not bad either, even if it shows that good noir fiction is extremely difficult to keep from becoming parody noir fiction. I also spent a good bit of time figuring out how to play Silverfall again. It's not a bad game for what it is - your hack-&-slash third-person fantasy RPG - but I'm not sure if it's all that special or singular.

 Back to writing and, thus, back to angsting that I seemingly can't write anything that flows free besides the News blog and, sometimes, this. Hell, I'm already blocked up. I was going to writing something about Critical Race Theory or the rising threat from petulant right-wingers, but I'm not really feeling it anymore. All I'll say is anyone who uses CRT as a pejorative is probably not worth paying attention to anymore and it might not be a bad idea to get a gun and learn how to use it properly. I'm not kidding. Don't go nuts, but I don't think these yo-yos are playing around anymore.

 Bah. I've been sitting on this for the past half hour and I'll I've done is browse some Red Letter Media videos and look up the tab for "Hoodoo Man Blues." Honestly, all I want to do is lay down and read until I nod off. Amazing, but that's become probably my favorite hobby. The Paul Butterfield documentary, Horn From The Heart, is on Tubi. Maybe I'll watch that. His end is pretty depressing, though bless his ol' heart.

 This has gotten to be like pulling teeth, man. I need to wrap this up and get on with doing nothing for the evening. I do wish desperately I had some of the good smoke. But that's nothing new, I guess, and there's nothing I can about it. That's probably why I've been so gloomy lately, knowing I'm stuck here, geographically and spiritually, for the duration.

 It's going to be a long summer, man.

With one foot in the grave and one foot on the pedal, I was born a rebel.

  It's 10:30 p.m. and I'm just starting this. I knew I would put it off but I honestly didn't think about doing anything until now. If nothing else, that's an improvement.

 Talked to the Psyche Doc today. We mostly discussed how pissed off I am about the whole marijuana initiative debacle by the Supreme Court. I do wonder if the whole thing - the sessions, not the initiative - has become just two friendly people catching up. I come and go with my mood, and go through the world in a state of bemused irritation marked with wanting to be alone. I've come to accept that the rest of my life will be regularly marked with spots of deep blues and moodiness, and that's just how it is.

 That being said, and he pointed this out, I want everyone else to be as happy as they can be given circumstances. We both decided that's something to ponder on, but it's not a bad thing. The "music therapy" came up, too, though I've never considered relearning harmonica and guitar with occasional shots at the Cajun accordion. Baby Brother pointed out that the why's behind why minor chords are sad and where seventh chords go and whatnot is a "rewiring your brain" sort of thing. So, I guess that's good.

 What else is there? Today's been one of those "not pay attention to the news" days and from what I can tell, it's all "woke is destroying America" and the GOP desperately trying to sweep the Great American Temper Tantrum by Trump cultists. I need to come up with a better phrase for that. A cult presumes an active cult leader, and I really don't think Trump's that involved and directed. Same thing with it being a fascist movement. They do worship Trump as a savior, but guys like Franco and Mussolini put more effort into it than Trump ever did.

 Studying on it, I think the whole Trump phenomenon has more to do with him being a celebrity and a tv personality plus the American inclination towards if not actual authoritarianism, then at least having a Strong Daddy as a leader. Bush Jr. definitely got this and, at least in retrospect, so did Reagan. Trump isn't even as engaged as those guys were, and they were just ranch-standard Republican politicians. They still didn't get the firey love Trump does from his groupies, but I wonder if that's because they actually went through two terms. Both Bush Jr. and Reagan, by the time they finished off the second term, had some of the shine taken away.

 Trump's a unique case in American politics, though. I don't think he expected or even wanted to win, I don't think he ever put any real effort into the job, and he took every criticism as a personal attack driven only by personal jealousy. A rich prick who's never done anything on his own but has always had his ass kissed, that's the "leader of the free world." Bush Jr., at least, had an interest in doing the job, seems like.

 That's it, I guess. Forty-five minutes later and I'm googling Junior Wells stories. So that's that there then.

Who's been talking?

  Well, it's Saturday night, the first one of my 46th year. Twenty years ago, I'd be getting ready to go see some band play if I wasn't in some kitchen getting my daily salt. Either way, I'd probably be stoned and that's about the only thing I miss from those days.

 Anyway. This was a depressing week. Too many shootings, either by the police or just some asshole who's decided he's got the right to decide who lives and who dies. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday were all about some shooting, be it the cops in Minneapolis or the guy in Indianapolis. It's depressing as shit, even more so knowing that probably nothing significant will change.

 I've talked about gun violence all week and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I will reiterate that I really don't give a shit about your guns or, for that matter, what you think the Second Amendment actually means. Knock your damn fool self out, for all I care. Just know this: if you're not someone I know well enough to know that you know what you're doing with something that's good for nothing but killing, I feel it well within my right to treat you like the next mass shooter should you decide you simply cannot hit the local Wal-Mart without being loaded for bear. Deal.

 It's come and gone, but I really didn't touch on the whole "America First Caucus" Marjorie Taylor Greene and Paul Gosar tried to pull off. I am surprised that it didn't last a week, for what that's worth, though I never did figure out what "Anglo-Saxon political traditions" meant, seeing as how the whole "Anglo-Saxon" thing was a non-starter after 1066. I know it was a badly disguised "white power" to-do, sure, and probably dumb as a bucket of shit considering the progenitors. 

 I think if nothing else, it might behoove Nancy Pelosi to give Greene something useful to do with her time. Put her on a low-grade committee that doesn't actually mean anything. She could be naming post officers or something like that.

 Moving on, I think I've bought all the harmonicas I'm going to need for a while. Key-wise, all I lack is a B and an F in major keys. I might, might, buy an F and a B-flat, but I wouldn't count on it. It's past time to actually try to get back to getting better-than-decent on them, I reckon. Plus, I have that chromatic to figure out. I got that Rocket Low C and thought I meant to get a Low G as Junior Wells suggested. Them things are expensive as hell, though. Lee Oskar doesn't make a Low G and Junior preferred Lee Oskars, so who knows. Harmonica talk, always a winner.

 Okay, I don't know what else. Something about this week, I don't know, but I've been kind of out of it. I can live with it, though. Last week, I got up every morning by 8 a.m. and hit the gym, while this week I laid around until noon or so. Why, I couldn't tell you, except I've been taking advantage of the new fiber optic and trying more of the games with huge downloads. The Witcher 2 is actually a pretty good game and not as dense as 3, though it takes a minute to get used to not being able to jump.

 And that's that, kids.