Saturday, March 21, 2020

Some got to win, some got to lose.

 Going to do something a little different today. It's about 9:40 in the morning as I open this page to write, and I'm just going to fool around as the day goes on with the Gibberish. I'll post it sometime this afternoon and unless something interesting happens with the News, I'm not going to worry about it. Long story short on that, CORVID-19 shows no signs of the slowing down and the U.S. government shows no signs of improving their response.

  'Course the problem with that is, I'm almost convinced, we really don't want it to. Yesterday, Trump threw one of his temper tantrums over a relatively softball question from NBC's Peter Alexander. Everyone who was already tired of him was, of course, outraged and discouraged. And, of course, his Base came in their drawers over him sticking it to the MSM, man, but the average dipstick who started paying attention to politics in the past five or six years got pretty hard about this, as well.

 People - especially liberals and leftists - really need to stop waiting for a Savior or a Great Man. People either kvetch that Joe Biden isn't doing enough or claim Bernie Sanders will save us all. That partly explains Trump's popularity. He isn't a Great Man but he checks all the various boxes that Americans consider a "Great Man" should. He's a rich celebrity and has had sex with a lot of what Middle America considers "hot" women. He's not a physical threat apart from his size and tendency to screw with peoples' personal spaces, but we're pretty easily fooled about that. We think, culturally, actually think actors - actors who've never been anything but actors - like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood are inarugably bad-ass dudes. So what do we know.

 "Why isn't Joe Biden (or Obama) saving us?" "Bernie (or Ron Paul) is the only one who can save us."

 That's actually what people are saying. It's one thing for the liberal side of Middle America to trumpet this. That makes sense, as this whole country's history is a string of Great Men. It boggles my mind to see soi-disant "leftists" do the exact same thing, though, especially for the types of guys they're doing it for. I mean, sure, admire or rally around a charismatic figure who actually gets shit done (good or bad, we're not dwelling on that). That totally makes sense even if it's not something that sits well with me. I just don't understand this idea that seems to have permeated the Left - from self-declared socialists to equally claimed anarchists - whinging that a Savior isn't riding in on a white horse or that the stupid normies aren't throwing in with whoever they decide is this week's Savior.

 As a side note, I'm watching a lot of YouTube videos on "cursed books" and every single one of them acts like The Necronomicon didn't stem fully from H.P. Lovecraft's imagination. Even things like the Simon Necronomicon wouldn't exist without Lovecraft. Cut that out, man. There's plenty of weird books out there in the world.

 Okay. I wonder if anyone is going to put forth the idea that the reason Bernie Sanders is getting trashed in the primaries is because he ran a rotten campaign. Or is that just me? Now, I'm not saying Biden ran a great one, but he didn't have to. Sanders has a lot of passionate ground-level support, especially online, but to get the nomination he needed to attract not only people who weren't on board (and might've been leery of the whole "socialist" thing) but also hardcore Democrats and the party in general. That just makes sense to me; if you're running for the Democratic Party nomination, you have to get the Democratic Party leadership on your side.

 But he really hasn't done that. Indeed he - and particularly his surrogates and followers - has been telling the Democratic mainstream and centrist liberals in general to suck his dick for the past five years. And from what I'm seeing on Twitter, the reaction from at least the surrogates to the drubbing Sanders is getting in the primaries is anger at people who aren't voting for him with the concept that people are voting for Biden just to screw with them. They're not voting for Bernie, goes the argument, just because "boomers" want everyone to die.

 This isn't scientific, of course, just observation. I voted for Sanders but I've never been lit on fire about him. Great ideas, sure, but if great ideas were all that were needed in America politics, we wouldn't be in this shape. Asked this time last year the worst primary combo, I would've told you Biden and Sanders. Partly because Sanders probably wouldn't try to bring in a coalition and partly because Biden's the walking, talking, breathing example of The Swamp, for lack of a better phrase. He wasn't going to light anyone's pubes on fire, and probably the only reason he has any pull at all is most people who vote Democrat aren't really inclined to cut up too much until Trump gets booted out.

 I've said it elsewhere, but nothing Sanders champions is all that radical, even for American politics. More progressive taxation, cheaper education, minimum wage that's actually enough to live on, even the idea of Medicare For All, none of that is new. Some of it already existed and some were things that past presidents tried but couldn't pull off. Hell, Nixon pushed a better medical insurance scheme over 40 years ago and he was Nixon.

 Okay. Enough of that. I'm in a bad mood today. I had another dream last night, and most of my dreams these days are things I've done - from working in kitchens to riding with football teams to cover the games - but no one wants me around. Indeed, people are actively hostile to my presence and contemptuous of my contributions.

 I've always prided myself on being useful and likable. I'm not the best cook or reporter than stomped the Terra nor have I ever been Good Time Charlie, but people have always found me easy to like and before to long have been glad I'm around. I'm stable and dependable and don't cause anyone too much strife, mainly because I don't like it. I do my job and get along.

 In these dreams, I do not. I don't understand where all this comes from, and these dreams didn't start happening until I came to accept that I'm pretty much never leaving this hill for any extended time. On the surface, I'm fine with that, or at least I think I am. Momma, the Ex and my Therapist have all asked me, acknowledging that while I prefer my solitude, if this "social distancing" isn't getting up my nose. It's not, not really. Not on the surface, at least.

 I've told them all, look, apart from my Trips and Visits, the only reason I've left the house in the past two years have been doctor visits, hitting the gym, or family gatherings. Furthermore, every last one of them - again, apart from the Trips and Visits - I've tired to get through and done with as quickly as humanly possible. I like my solitude. I like being alone and fairly sedentary. I like reading and writing and playing games and going for walks with Otis, and frankly, that's about all I like to do.

 I loved my Big Trip out to see the brother and sister-in-law in Oregon. Not so much seeing them - they come to visit here twice a year, and that's plenty - but because of all I saw on the drive out there and back. I'll say it again, more of us should wander across the country and see it for ourselves. Maybe we wouldn't be so contemptuous of each other. I loved bouncing back to Athens to see the people who I haven't seen in a decade but still love me. I loved going back to New Orleans to remind myself why I loved the town. Same thing when I spent a couple days up in Memphis. Once I get in the mood and people settle down, I'll do some more Traveling and Visiting.

 On the surface, however, I am fine with my world being this Hill, Momma, my varmints and my time killers. But what if I'm not. What if these dreams are telling me that I'm discontent and unsettled with my life, despite what I tell myself. I'm not sure what to do if that's the case. I spent the last 20 years trying to be "normal" and failing miserably. Short trips into what everyone else does on purpose 24/7 are enough for me and can get too much pretty quickly. But still I have these dreams and wake up miserable.

 I'm not going to lie. As much as I miss getting high, maybe the main reason I wish I was in a position to smoke copious amounts of weed again is if one stays stoned constantly, one doesn't remember one's dreams. Whatever I'm being told, frankly, I don't think I'm interested in hearing. It's certainly not going to help the cause a'tall.

 Okay. I've been writing for two hours. I'm going to go ahead and post this on Blogger, and link it elsewhere staggered throughout the day. Maybe I'll write more, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll play some games or maybe I'll sleep until this afternoon, then take Otis for a walk. We'll see.

ADDENDUM: I had a dream during my nap, but it was actually a good one. I dreamed Otis was being sociable to my cats instead of trying to kill 'em like he usually does. Plus, I was in a situation where everyone was leaving me alone. I swear, this is better than therapy.

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