Not even going to bother.

  On a whim, I bought a collection of short stories based around the Carl Kolchak character from the old television movie and show. It's by a bunch of different science fiction/horror/fantasy/what have you authors, some I'm heard of and some I haven't. So far it's okay. Not terribly but definitely better than the other Kolchak-based fiction I read, C.J. Henderson's A Black And Evil Truth.

 Which in itself wasn't bad. It just didn't feel like a Kolchak story. Everybody liked Carl. Vincenzo was praising him. The local law wanted to work with him. Hell, he even got the hot babe who was also intelligent and charming. That's not Kolchak. One of the things that makes the character so intriguing is that he's on his own. His editors think he's more trouble than he's worth, the fuzz thinks he's a bug that should be stepped on, and he rarely has luck with the ladies.

 The other thing about modern takes on Kolchak is they have him in the 21st century with access to all the technology we have. Or at least the first decade, so maybe not smartphones with a television-grade camera. Still, it never sets well with me.

 Kolchak is a creature of the '70s and just doesn't work in any other time. For one, the media landscape today is totally different, and the new stories acknowledge things like multiple 24-hour news channels and web-based magazines. One thing that doesn't exist and hasn't for years is even big cities having multiple newspapers that can afford to send a reporter across the country.

 I watched some of the Kolchak revival from a couple of years ago. It was terrible. One of the reasons is it gave Kolchak motivation beyond getting a byline. It made him all dark and tortured by the past instead of wanting to get a better gig at a higher-rated newspaper. Everyone was too pretty in that early part of the 21st century way, too. Kolchak is a ruffled, middle-aged shlump with a stupid hat and one suit. He's also cowardly, just like all of us would be if faced with an Aztec demon or a vampire.

 What do you call this sort of fiction? It's not really fan fiction but it sort of is in spirit. It's as often as not a part of a brand. Back in the '90s, LucasFilm gave the world the Star Wars Expanded Universe that started out okay but lost me fairly quickly. The time between the end of the series and the TV movie gave the world a bunch of Doctor Who books, both with the Seventh Doctor and Past Doctor Adventures. Virgin Books had the license at first but after the movie, BBC got it back. It was... spotty. A lot of the early Seventh Doctor books were based on the so-called "Cartmel Masterplan" which saw a darker turn, more "sophisticated and mature," which meant more sex scenes.

 I liked the Big Finish Audios better, anyway. It's not quite the same thing as Scarlett or Poodle Springs or suchlike. There has been a metric ton of Sherlock Holmes fiction that's post-Conan Doyle and it's really not worth the effort. The Robert Downey movie was fun but it still made the mistake of making Irene Adler a love interest.

 Some of the post-Stoker Dracula fiction is woeful, especially the stuff written by his ancestor. Everyone assumes, one, Jonathan Harker was disgusted by Mina after she'd been attacked and, two, the focus of Dracula's desire was Mina. It was Jonathan, and he said if she turned to a vampire, let him be turned as well and then destroy both of them. I get worked up over this, I admit.

 To give credit where credit is due, I have thoroughly enjoyed William Meikle's revival of the Carnacki: The Ghost Finder. They're well-written and fairly true to the originals. William Hope Hodgson had only written nine of the short stories before his death in World War I, so there's a lot of room to expand. They do get a bit repetitive but Meike's managed to find different scenarios for the plots, so if you space them out, you're good.

 Well, I should wrap this up, I guess. If nothing else, I've spent most of the day watching Kolchak: The Night Stalker reruns on NBC's streaming service. It cuts out every now and then regardless of which browser I use. The wonders of modern technology at work, I reckon.