Yeah, just post the damn thing.

  This is the fourth day, hand running, that I've stayed in bed until well into the afternoon. I'm not staying up too late nor am I sleeping the whole time. Indeed, I'm getting a good bit of reading done. I just don't want to get out of bed and face another day. It's fucking tedious, man.

 Every time I talk to the Psych Doc or Therapist, they ask me if I have suicidal thoughts, and I don't, not really. I just don't want to be here and I'm not sure that's the same thing. I'm in a dark place right now, though, and I don't see a way out of it. I avoid Twitter because there will come a point where I tell someone they should've been drowned at birth. This is why I don't argue with people there or anywhere else. It's rarely worth it.

 Simone Bailes bowed out of the team gymnastics event during the Olympics and conservative white dudes (and wanna-be conservative white dudes) are losing their shit over it. We're told she's doing it for her mental health and they're all pissed off that she's "not tough enough," but I'm convinced they're all pissed off they're losing the opportunity to gloat if she doesn't get gold. In any event, if anyone should be ignored about anything, it's conservative white dudes.

 I really haven't been paying attention to the Olympics this time around. Partly because they're in Japan and there's a 10-hour time difference, but mostly because I don't have cable nor do I have a girlfriend who wants to watch it. That's how it worked out the last time I paid attention, which I guess was the 2012 Olympics. We watched a good bit of it and, pretty much like every sport, it's not my thing but I can appreciate excellence wherever it's found. I've seen Bailes do her thing and if she feels she needs to step aside for her own health and the good of her team, who am I to judge. Not a white dude conservative critic, that's for damn sure.

 Anyhow. I don't know I really have anything else. I've been reading a couple short story collections that are based on Lovecraftian themes. One collection's stories are new-ish while the other collection pulls in some classics by folks like Robert Howard and Robert Bloch. They're both about equal, so far, and I'm switching between the two. Most of the time I can't tell the difference, but they're both fun.

 It's tying in with the fascination with pre-historical societies or the possibility thereof. The Appalachian Mountains are almost 500 million years old and pre-date the formation of the Atlantic Ocean. That's pretty stunning to think about, but it sort of puts a new spin on some of the "ancient evils" in Lovecraft's New England and could totally bypass any weird connotation with Native Americans. I never have been that into Conan or Middle-Earth stuff, so I wish I could come across some fiction that uses this. I could write my own, of course, but that doesn't seem to work and I don't know how to make it so.

 I am tired of being depressed and miserable. I don't see a good way out, life is just going to get tougher and more painful. Oh, well. Maybe tomorrow will be different. It won't, but what other choice is there?